Tag Archives: depression

Black Dog

I don’t wish to be melodramatic…. But sometimes that dog is just so big I don’t know what to do.

I’m so tired. So tired of being tired. That’s it. That’s all I can say.

I know I’m reaching out for help but I dont know who to call.


On Anxiety.

I am very well known for self-diagnosing. I did have it once, Anxiety, and remnants still remain. It has this funny way of sneaking up on you when you least expect it, for me, always, when it is going to be the most damaging or incredibly inconvenient, when I am at the gym, at work, or out on the town. Unfortunately, all of these have happened. Today really got to me. The pressure of my job, the pressure that I am just not good enough, not skinny enough, not healthy enough. In my panicky, tears falling out of my face mode, I realized that all it takes is someone to calm me down. Someone, with a little understanding, someone that knows how it feels, to tell you everything will be ok. This is what I struggle with. It helps, when someone can grab my shoulders and comfort me, bring me back to earth when I am definitely not here. On a day that challenged my will in many ways, I need to thank my manager, for today, being that person, whether she understood or not, whether she knew HOW MUCH I appreciated it, and needed it, or not. With all the right indicators to go completely off the rails, she pulled me in, and brought me back to the person I normally am. Rarely, people understand how desperately I appreciate their help when I am mid anxiety, and may even not want it at the time. I hope they can start to understand that I don’t do it because I want to, I don’t think; but someone being able to bring me back, is everything to me.