On one of my restless nights, I had a friend, a relatively new friend; insist I am not as damaged as I think I am, rubbing my back and willing me to calm down and sleep. This got me thinking. Is it all in my head? Mental illness, they say, is in ones head; but I can’t help but think I have fabricated the symptoms of depression or anxiety, or my super destructive behaviour. Of course, there it is again, the self-doubt that eats away and tells me I am not good enough, that I am just fabricating the situation in my head to gain sympathy.
But in reality; why would I do that? Who would want their friends to see them crying, struggling to breathe and fighting a ridiculous mental battle? Sometimes, it is necessary, but for me, it happens way too often.
Maybe thats the reality, im screaming out for help but can’t see the symptoms within myself, maybe thats it, my subconscious trigger.
I wish I could work it out, it is crippling me.